Of Hawks and Doves
by SunnyDragonfly
Summary: After Fenris and Ellawyn Hawke, a mage, have an argument about the Tranquil, Fenris has a nightmare where Hawke herself is made Tranquil. But it was only a dream...right? AU/Act 3 (Warnings: cursing, sexual references, deals with Fenris' past with Danarius and a Ser Alrik like brand of Tranquil treatment, both involving some not-so-nice subjects.) BioWare owns all. Please review!
1. Chapter 1: An Error In Judgement

**Author's Note: I had not realized that I did not include the new first paragraph. This is what I had originally written, and I hope it clarifies the scene a bit better, enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter 1: An Error In Judgment**

The Tranquil they spotted on their latest mission to safeguard escaped mages from the Kirkwall circle had filled Ellawyn Hawke's heart with dread. It was on their way to one of the many secret tunnels that had been made by the resistance that they saw them; a pair of emotionless Tranquil who simply stared at the lot of them with complete and utter neutrality. The mission itself was mostly successful, except for the fact that one of the young mages had betrayed their trust and protection. They were under the assumption that there were no blood mages in the group, but when confronted with a threat of Templars the adolescent sliced his palm and became an abomination. They had no choice but to cut him down.

The cold, unfeeling faces of the spiritually lobotomized mages with suns on their foreheads had bored into her very soul and she could think of nothing else on their way back to Hightown. To be entirely honest, they scared her more than the abomination had. It was just her and Fenris now; Aveline, Varric, and Anders had all gone home and needless to say it was an uncomfortable walk. They had…something years ago but Fenris had ended it after their first night together. She still hadn't quite gotten over him, but he made it very clear he was no longer interested in her. Sometimes he would say something that, to her, sounded like flirting, but she would dismiss it as wishful thinking as quickly as the thoughts came. Perhaps it was time to move on. They were just business partners now, nothing more. When they arrived at his door he turned to her suddenly with a puzzled expression on his face.

"How do you stand it?"

It was Ellawyn's turn to be puzzled "What?"

"How do you stand it? The fear of…that you could become an abomination?"

She shrugged, a little put off by the odd question "I know I'm strong enough to resist."

"But how? Have you ever been tempted by a demon? You have never taken your Harrowing, so you haven't been tested in any official capacity."

She scoffed "Yes, well, let me turn myself in to the Gallows and have it done straight away. It's not like I've been, I don't know, running from the Circle my whole life."

Fenris sighed with annoyance. "You know, perhaps you _should_ go" he muttered.

"Um, you are aware that I would never be allowed to leave…ever."

"That would be a small price to pay for the peace of mind, wouldn't it? Knowing that if you become possessed you wouldn't live long enough to hurt others? And you'd be able to see Carver more often."

"What is wrong with you?! Why are you talking like this?"

"It was a simple question."

"No, it really wasn't Fenris! Have I done anything that would make you suspect me of being susceptible to demons?"

"No, but neither did that young mage. If he had been made Tranquil that would have never even happened."

"This is the first job you've been on that Tranquil were present and you didn't even interact with them. They have no feelings! They can't appreciate music or art or colors or…or love! I would rather die than become Tranquil!"

"But if you can't feel, how would you know what you were missing?" Fenris asked.

"You have no idea what you are saying... what that would mean...You know, I've been looking for a sign to get over you, and I think you just gave it to me. Mission accomplished, Fenris. This...pining over you that has been going on for years, completely gone! Thank you for releasing me! Bastard!"

With that she ran off into the night, leaving Fenris on the doorstep of his manor house, dumbfounded. She still had feelings for him? What had he done? He had an urge to go after her but did not want to be hit with one of her more nasty spells so he stayed where he was. It was more than likely that he would have a better chance of talking to her about it in the morning. She vastly misunderstood the intent of his question. He wasn't trying to argue that she should become Tranquil, it was more to sate his curiosity. If this had happened years ago he would have thought it entirely her fault, but he knew it wasn't true and was humble enough now to admit that. It had been inconsiderate of him to ask such a question. He felt like such an ass. 'The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I can wake up and make this right' he reasoned, and went inside his borrowed home to do so.

* * *

She walked swiftly down the streets of Hightown, eager to get home after such a disturbing conversation with her ex-lover. How could he suggest such a thing? There were some noises in an alley but disregarded them, young couples often snuck out of their family's manors at night to meet in secret. She recalled doing so herself as a younger girl, though there were different hazards faced when sneaking out of a four room cottage than a twenty room mansion. The idea of her being in the Circle, not to mention the Kirkwall Circle, made her nauseous. There was anger in her, but also an acute heart break. For years she had held on to a fleeting hope that he might feel the same for her one day, but from his comments it was very obvious he couldn't even empathize with her. He had meant the world to her, but to him she was just another lay who happened to be a good ally. It stung.

A shadow teased at the corner of her eye, retreating from her line of sight. On instinct she turned away from it; she knew this trick all too well growing up with twins. Before her were two helmeted, yet visibly startled, Templars; one with a black sack meant for her head, the other with a pair of shackles for her wrists and ankles. They would not take her down so easily. She called up a mind blast which knocked all who surrounded her away like ragdolls before sprinting for her life into the street on the right of her house. She could not go home or take refuge at the homes of any of her friends for they would hunt her down and their necks would be on the line for sheltering her. She could, however, run past the Blooming Rose on her way to the docks, and by extension the sewers and underground passage ways of the city she would need to lose them in. At this time of night there would be many loyal witnesses who could report the pursuit to Varric if he came looking for her. If her plans to evade them failed, he would probably have to. Now was the time for flight.

* * *

It would be an understatement to say that Fenris did not sleep well that night. The moments he could sleep were riddled with nightmares; the worst of these began in the Gallows courtyard. He was alone, no Hawke, which was odd because she almost always seemed to be in his dreams since they first met. Even if she was just on the side she was as constant an element in his dreams as he hoped he was in hers. Suddenly he saw her, facing away from him in Circle garb about thirty feet away. He ran to her but when she turned to face him he stopped dead in his tracks. A bright, burning red Chantry sun emblem sat oppressively on her forehead. A fearful memory came to mind because it looked like it was branded onto her with a cattle iron like the Tevinter Imperium would use on slaves and livestock alike.

"Hawke? Ella, are you ok?"

Expressionlessly and void of all emotion she recited "I am at peace. Who are you? Oh I remember, you are the elf warrior Fenris. You were once one of my companions, hello."

"What happened to you? Why are you talking this way?" He felt that he knew the answer but he couldn't accept it, it was not how he imagined talking to…one of them would be.

"I am Tranquil at last. You should be happy; I am safe and can harm no one."

"But Hawke, why are you acting like this? I...I care about you. Deeply."

"Yes, I remember that we have had intercourse of a sexual nature when I was in the chaos. I don't feel anything in that, or any regard really. It's quite relaxing. My loyalty lies in Knight Commander Meredith and the Templar, Ser Grimeld, my Keeper. Their will supersedes all else. If you wish for me to enchant your sword you must ask Ser Grimeld for permission"

She gestured a hand across the courtyard, towards where the weapon sellers should have been, and Fenris saw a large man looking at them intently. Ellawyn then turned her gaze back to the slave statues behind her, her head tilted to the side like she was considering them. It was when he turned back to her that Fenris saw the multitude of finger shaped bruises on her neck and the tips of several inflamed, angry cuts that appeared to trail down her back. The sight gave him a flashback to the whipping welts he and other slaves received under their masters; the scars of many of his own could still be seen. He wanted to scream, and cry, and kill. Bile rose in his throat and he felt himself slipping out of composure. Whoever did this would pay with pain and death; slow and agonizing. Gone was the woman he fell in love with; all warmth, kindness, sarcasm, and wit. In her place stood a cold, will-less shell. He wanted her back. 'I think it's time to have a little chat with her "Keeper"' he thought bitterly to himself as he stormed off to the other side of the Gallows courtyard. As he got closer, he analyzed the massive armored man. His face was severe and his stance formidable. He would have been a fearsome sight if not for the shit eating grin that had found its way to his face as he stared lecherously at Ellawyn. It was his dream so he could rip the idiot's head of right then and there, Maker knew he wanted to, but he also wanted answers. He attempted to regain his hard practiced unreadable expression, 'Time to play the game'.

"Hello, I was wondering if you would allow that girl over there to enchant my sword."

"Yeah, she's good at that isn't she? I make her enchant my sword whenever I can" his laugh drove Fenris to a dangerous edge.

"No," he drew his great sword threateningly, his voice tinted with rage "this sword."

"Sure, sure," he brushed him off "Her new master will be arriving soon though, but you can before he comes."

Fenris paled "What?"

"Her new master's coming to pick her up. I ordered her to go over and stare at the slave statues for a few hours. I told her it was because she displeased me by hesitating to perform some of my more…personal commands. It's kind of poetic though, isn't it? Almost seems like she's contemplating her fate, if she could contemplate things like you and me. I'll tell you Meredith was loath to part with her. She's mostly a trophy around here; imagine, the Champion of Kirkwall filing you papers, fetching your meals…polishing your weapon."

He paused and smiled knowingly at Fenris, but when he didn't get a response he continued.

"Anyway, I'm quite disappointed at her leaving too. We've had so much fun. She's just so…compliant."

His sick grin made Fenris want to vomit. It took all he had to not cleave the scums head from his shoulders. This vile man had used his authority and her weakened state to rape and beat her and now she was being sold into slavery?! He would not allow it.

"How much did the…buyer offer?"

"More gold than you can imagine. A couple hundred chests of jewels too. The man is loaded!"

Fenris' stomach began to curdle "Who…who was the buyer?"

"A fellow goes by the name of Danarius; an odd man but endearingly wealthy. Speak of the Archdemon, here he is!" The Templar waved to a figure behind Fenris. At the mention of his name, Fenris froze. The magister himself, in that sly, smooth, predatory voice of his that grated Fenris' nerves like barbed wire, replied

"Ahh, I see you have my little parcel all wrapped up for me. I've transferred the funds to the Templar's treasury this morning, so I'll take her now. Care to help me with introductions, Ser Grimeld?"

"Of course, messere!" He called back before turning to Fenris "I'm sorry she couldn't tend to your sword, we'll find someone to help you in a moment."

With that the corrupt Templar walked away from the paralyzed warrior to aid the viper approaching Ella. She was in danger, about to be passed from one monster to another, powerless to stop it herself, and he couldn't move his damned feet! She needed his help! It took a lot of effort for him to turn around and run to where she had been cornered.

"Ellawyn, this is your master Danarius. You will go with him and do as he says."

"Yes, Ser Grimeld."

"Now dear, I will name you Culfre, my little dove…"

"No! Wait!" Fenris fell on them, assuming the role of a slave merchant though it pained him "I can offer four times the amount this...man has offered. Just name the price and I will quadruple it!"

"You really want her to enchant your sword that bad, eh? Sorry, but the sale is final, messere, on your way."

In his mind's eye Fenris imagined a lyrium stone the size of a heart which he withdrew from his pocket.

"You see this, Templar? This is pure, refined lyrium, and I have mountain ranges more where this came from as well. It can all be yours if you give her to me." He said, waving the tempting prize before the Templar who was entranced by its sight and smell, dreaming of the bliss it would bring.

Then he heard a laugh fitting of this nightmare from his left.

"Oh Fenris, my little wolf. How you've grown. Sadly you haven't grown very wise."

With a single finger he disintegrated the rock into ash, bringing Grimeld back to his senses.

"You'll never have more than me, not even in your dreams. I need more pets for my menagerie, because I seem to have lost my bitch." He threw his head back in laughter.

Fenris was still frozen in horror that this vision of Danarius was interacting with him, so uncannily aware of the situation. The magister grabbed Ella by the chin much too tightly and turned her head to face him.

"Such a pretty bird you are, Culfre. We'll find you a nice little cage, maybe teach you to sing. You remember how to sing, don't you Fenris?"

Snapping to his senses he drew his sword, his skin bristling and glowing with the power of the lyrium within him, and bellowed "You will not touch her!"

"That's my boy!" he crowed as he summoned beasts from the beyond.

"Maleficar!" Ser Grimeld shouted before being enchanted to join the fight to cover Danarius' escape with Hawke.

"If I can't get to you here, I can at least get your heart. Foolish child!" he laughed as they disappeared from view.

"NO!" Fenris roared, hacking and slashing through the unholy horde that he could not hope to overcome alone.

* * *

Just as he was about to be run through by Grimeld's sword he awoke in a cold sweat.

"Ella!" He shouted to no one.

He leapt from his bed and started putting on his armor, falling over himself as he ran to the door. Birds were chirping and the sun stung at his eyes even through the dirty windows but he didn't care, he needed to see her now, to make sure his dream was just a dream. Some atonement was long overdue. As he reached the door he heard a knock and flung it open, hoping it was Ellawyn, only to see Varric, arm still raised before him.

"Uh…hey there broody, that was a quicker reply then I usually get from you" he quipped, though Fenris caught a hint of worry in his features.

"What is it Varric? I have to go see Hawke."

"Well that answers my question, shit. I thought she was with you. I figured since you were with her last, and, well, your history I would check here first. We were supposed to meet to discuss business around three hours ago, but she never showed and apparently she never got home last night. Do you have any clue?"

Fenris could hear his heart in his ears it was beating so loudly. This couldn't be! "Fasta vass!" he punched his door.

"Ok, that was mildly frightening. Something you want to share?"

"I…I had a...Last night I...Hawke was…Venhedis!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't speak Tevinter! Just spit it out, damn you!" Varric yelled back.

Fenris was a little stunned; Varric didn't usually sway from his usual facetious tone, even in the worst fights.

"I had a nightmare and in it she...she was made Tranquil and...I don't wish to discuss the rest."

Varric sighed with relief and bemusement "What does that have to do with anything? It was just a dream."

"Yes. But it's probably related to an argument we had last night about the Tranquil we saw on the mission...She called me a bastard and ran off. She was mad, and rightfully so...I was going to go apologize in the morning so she would have some time to herself. Otherwise I had the feeling that she would have turned me into a slug...or a rock or one of her other spells she's been working on..."

Varric stared at him incredulously as he spoke. When Fenris finished he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, his eyes shut tight "Well, at least you can admit that you were a total moron, makes my job easier."

"I should have risked it and gone after her."

"Listen elf, 'shoulda-coulda-woulda's' don't ever help anyone, so don't worry about that right now. What we do need to do now is find her. Are you ready? It'll probably be a long day."

"I don't care, let's go."


	2. Chapter 2: Where Are The Damn Mages?

**Chapter 2: Where Are the Damn Mages?**

The warrior and the rogue walked down then street, following the path Ellawyn would have walked to her estate that night, looking for anything that could indicate some idea of what happened. As they carefully scanned the street, Fenris' skin began to ache the way it did whenever magic, or the remnants of it, entered his general sphere. Every mage has their own "taste," their own magical feel. He could only compare the experience to walking into an empty room and knowing there had just been an argument, the air gives it away. This particular sense was all too familiar; he first felt it six years ago and had craved it, in one way or another, ever since. Ellawyn's was like an evening sun shower, a hot spring on a snowy mountain, a pleasant contrast, a rare wonderful event. Even though it was only a small piece of her it comforted him slightly.

"Varric, she was here, or at least her spell landed here."

"How do you know?"

Fenris pointed at his markings "I can feel it"

"Well, at least we know we're on the right path. Is there anything else?"

"No only the one spot, radiating from here. I haven't felt anything else on the way."

More to himself than to Fenris, Varric mumbled "Now where did she go?"

"She wouldn't just cast a spell in public without cause; if she was attacked..." he couldn't continue.

"She would have needed more than one if she fought them off. Are you sure it's just the one?"

"From what I've felt, yes...What if she escaped?" Fenris said, unable to hide the hope in his voice.

"If she did, why didn't she come to us?"

Fenris swallowed hard; he knew a possible explanation "If she was being chased she would never want to involve us, for our sakes..."  
Varric looked down "That _is_ a very Hawke thing to do. Damn. Still, she wouldn't leave us wondering if she could help it. There has to be something..."

Fenris' eyes wandered around the square until they fell on Hawke's home. "If she was around here, had been attacked, and was being chased she would not go home, she would...there" He pointed to the alley on its right.

"Why? She could have gone towards the market."

"You said she would try to find a way for us to follow or at least let us know where she went. Your contacts at the Blooming Rose might have seen something if she ran that way and if there weren't, a guard would have seen and report back to Aveline. Seeing as Aveline hasn't come looking for Ellawyn in a blaze of fury, we can guess there were no guards. She'd want witnesses at least and it wasn't certain there would be anyone in the market at that time of night."

"Makes sense, let's go see who was out last night."

* * *

They quickly walked to the Blooming Rose and approached Viveka who was busy with the guest books at a corner table.

Varric sat down at the chair across from her while Fenris stood "Good morning Viveka, I have a special request for you."

Not looking up she replied "Shoot."

"Could you tell me who was out last night around..." he looked to Fenris who held up one finger "...one o'clock? It's vitally important."

Viveka held out her palm "How vital?"

Behind him Fenris sighed, but Varric dumped five sovereigns into her hand. He wasn't in a very storytelling mood and Viveka was not sentimental "Extremely."

She finally looked up, first at her hand then and Varric "You've never shelled out that much for info, what's this about?"

"Hawke's missing" Varric muttered.

She nodded her head once "Figures. Well, let me see..." she scanned the furthest filled section of a different book reserved for outside business, trailing the page with her finger until it rested on a name "Oh, looks like your best friend Jethann."

Fenris groaned. Hawke had accepted Jethann's "offer" years ago during that strange rash of disappearances that accumulated in a glimpse of the culprit, a fight with demons, a bloody sack of bones, and the unfortunate Ninette's wedding ring. It was long before they had gotten together, but Fenris was not exactly a fan of the elf. The killings stopped soon after Hawke left for the Deep Roads Expedition though, so they never got a chance to delve further into the case.

"Where is he, Viveka?" Varric questioned wearily.

"It's his rest day, last time I saw him he was in the left side bedrooms."

"Thank you, get yourself something nice and give my compliments to Madame Lusine."

"Will do, Varric" Viveka responded, going back to work on her books.

Varric rose and the two went to go talk to Jethann. They found him on his bunk reading one of Varric's novellas.

"Always good to meet a fan" Varric said as he leaned against the nearest wall.

"'Hard In Hightown' always gets me though a long work day. It's even good down time reading. I assume this is about the Champion? I was working last night when I saw her being chased down the stairs towards the docks. I figured she would have taken care of them, I mean after the Qunari invasion a half dozen Templars shouldn't be a problem for her."

Fenris' heart dropped "Templars?! Are you sure?"

Jethann nodded "Yup, unless they changed their get-up and held a courtyard sale recently, they were very obviously Templars; big swords, swishy skirts and armor, the whole shebang..."

"How did she look? Was she injured?" Varric interrupted.

"Not that I could see, no. She did look slightly frightened though, but when she caught my eye she seemed to calm down. Is she alright?"

"She hasn't been home all night and she was supposed to meet me hours ago."

"You sure she just didn't meet some dashing lad or lady who helped her get rid of them? She might have overcompensated them with a night of blissful fun like something out of your books, Varric."

"Yeah, well my books aren't exactly the height of accuracy" he laughed mirthlessly, turning his gaze to Fenris' which seemed to glaze over with a strange coupling of annoyance and jealousy. "Thank you for telling us what you saw, at least now we have an idea of where to look next."

"Anytime! If you find her, tell her I said hello and I miss her! It's been ages since I last saw her properly, if you know what I mean" Jethann winked at them.

"When we find her I will, have a good day Jethann" Varric said hurriedly as he nudged an increasingly angry Fenris towards the exit.

"Insufferable git" Fenris mumbled to himself once they were outside.

"Let's just follow this lead, ok? The sooner we find her the sooner this knot in my intestines and pounding headache will go away."

* * *

The two traveled down the long stairway that led to the docks, once again searching for any signs that she had been there until Fenris stopped. Ellawyn's sense was back and it was stronger than he'd ever felt outside of a fight. He looked around and with horror found her favorite staff Voracity and the robes she had been wearing the previous night irreverently thrown among a trash heap.

"Varric!" the elf cried out as he held the silken fabric in his hands. There was a tear in the shoulder like it had been hastily and forcefully ripped. Fenris fell to his knees, his claw-like gauntlets dug into the material which he brought to his face, hot with anger and fear. The smell of sweat from desperate muscles screaming for rest mingled unnaturally with the calming scent of her chamomile and mint soap. Against his wishes his mind considered the situations that would have brought her clothes to this state and none of them were good.

Varric was speechless, eyes locked on the staff as Fenris felt apart at his feet, until he finally broke the uneasy silence with a question both feared to ask "What in the Void happened here?"

Fenris began to hyperventilate in panic as his eyes darted around for something that could ease his worries; a note, a sign, something, anything!

Varric noticed his distress and knelt down to speak with him "Don't jump to conclusions, we know she was here at least. Let's keep going, we won't find her by sitting here."

He took the other man by the arm and helped him to his feet before gathering up Hawke's discarded belongings. Fenris composed himself as they continued towards the docks. After hours of unsuccessful meticulous searching they sat, defeated, on the steps of the docks, facing the Gallows. Fenris glared at the old slave prison; it's merits seemed no longer worthy if it held Hawke captive. He looked over and saw Varric watching the waves that lapped at the lowest step, his forearm propping up his forehead.

"What now?" Fenris asked the dwarf.

Varric rubbed his eyebrow with the side of his hand "I don't know. Do you think she went to Blondie to help her get out of Kirkwall? You know, dangerous apostates on the run usually gravitate towards other dangerous apostates on the run."

Sapped of energy, Fenris replied "It's something, and we can't just sit here, like you said."

* * *

They stood up once more and made their way to Ander's Darktown free clinic. The dank air smelled of sewage and despair, rats scurried underfoot. When they arrived, the mage was nowhere in sight so they approached one of his apprentices, a human girl named Myrea, but it was she who addressed them first.

"Hello messeres, have you seen Anders?"

"Wonderful, this couldn't get any better!" Fenris threw his arms into the air.

Ignoring Fenris' frustrated outburst, Varric patiently responded "Actually we're here looking for him. When did you last see him?"

"He came back briefly last night and said he needed to go out to collect more deep mushrooms because our stock on injury kits is almost depleted. He said he was going to the docks because the under street has a lot of them. He's been gone all night." Myrea informed them, her tone very worried.

Varric's face shifted from tired to terrified as an awful thought came to him; "Daisy!" He ran from the place without a word of thanks to the startled girl, a confused Fenris hot on his heels.

"What about Merrill?" Fenris shouted after the dwarf.

"Think elf! First Hawke, now Blondie, are you seeing a pattern? Our mages!"

Fenris really didn't care too much for the blood mage, but Varric, Hawke, and Isabella had embraced the naive young woman. If the Templars had taken all of the apostate mages in their acquaintance it would be more likely that they were in the Gallows than on the run. He could hear Varric running out of breath, but the dwarf would not stop until they reached Merrill's home in the Alienage. Varric flung open the door and nearly sobbed with relief to see the slight elf eating lunch at her table, a book propped open against a large stack of it's kin in front of her.

"Daisy, you're ok. You really should lock your door." Varric hugged Merrill, who hugged him back though she was surprised.

She looked over his shoulder at Fenris with a questioning look "Yes, I'm ok, what's all this about?"

Fenris sat on the bench near her door "Hawke and Anders are missing, so we came here to check on you, to make sure you weren't gone too."

Merrill's face paled, her puzzled expression morphing into dread "What? When?! We need to find them!" She bolted from her chair only to stumble over Varric's foot, apologizing profusely as she packed things for travel and battle.

"It's alright, Daisy. Of course we need to find them, Fenris and I have been looking but we lost her trail. We need to get Aveline and Sebastian down to my place to make a plan. Could I use your paper to write to them?" Varric said soothingly, trying to calm the frantic mage.

Merrill wiped the sides of her eyes with the back of her hand "Certainly, Varric. I'm sorry I just..."

"I know. Just hand me your quill."

* * *

By dusk everyone was assembled in Varric's suite and the door was shut. Some of Varric's urchins had delivered the notes discretely to the two difficult-to-reach members, who had both made their excuses and went quickly to the Hanged Man. As Varric filled everyone in on all they knew, Fenris noticed Isabela looking slightly amused.

"Is anything about this funny to you Isabela?" he challenged her once Varric had finished.

"Maker, yes. Has anyone stopped to think that perhaps she and Anders ran off into the sunset together, or found a room at a little inn, or a nice bush."

Fenris felt his mouth curl into a snarl, which he quickly suppressed "Hawke...and Anders...could be in grave danger while you sit here making jokes! You of all people should be taking this seriously, you owe her more than your life, you owe her your freedom and your mind!"

Isabela threw her hands up in mock repentance "Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't aware you were scorekeeper in our affairs! I wasn't necessarily joking, by the way. Last time I checked they were both fully grown, not children who need to tell you where they are going and what they are doing all the time. Besides, you left her years ago, what do you care what she does with other people? Move on already."

The elf managed to keep his face flat, though his insides were in turmoil. Desperate to change the subject, he responded "Many times you have called her your best friend, yet here you are acting so cavalier about her disappearance. Can you blame me for questioning your loyalty?"

"Question all you want, it doesn't change facts. Hawke is more than capable of taking care of herself. You said you felt a giant burst of magic stuff where her things were found. I see why you would worry, but maybe things aren't as drastic as they appear." Isabela uncharacteristically diplomatic reply took Fenris by surprise.

"Besides, the city guard doesn't even take missing adult cases until at least three days after they were last seen, it hasn't even been a whole day.." the pirate continued until Aveline held her hand up to interrupt her.

"Under normal circumstances that would be true, but with Jethann's account and these" she gestured towards the pile Hawke's belongings on the table "it would be best to assume the worst, that she has been taken by the Templars against her will. I am not sure about Anders, but if they were both heading towards the docks, if he had seen her held captive by Templars, he may have tried to intervene and been taken as well. I know this is awful to think about, but...it may be the case" the guard captain cringed at her own words, struggling to maintain her professional demeanor despite her stomach feeling like lead.

Sebastian who had been listening to the exchange finally spoke "Politically speaking, if Meredith dares to abduct the Champion of Kirkwall like a common apostate, she no longer considers her capable of being an ally and doesn't fear the backlash that would come if knowledge of her actions were to be made public. Either she has something up her sleeve or she has gone mad with the power she possesses over Kirkwall. Personally friends, if the Maker wills it, I will see to it that her tyranny comes to an abrupt end if she has harmed them in any way" The last part the prince growled. He had found a strange, complicated sort of family among this band of misfits, and he would not let anything tear them apart now if he could help it.

"This is all well and good, but how exactly are we supposed to find out if they are in the Gallows or not? It's not like we can just walk into her office and ask her politely to return our beloved apostates to us within a work week" Varric queried.

As the rest of the group brainstormed plans, Merrill began to closely examine the bundle of clothes before her. She had stayed silent out of shock and grief; feeling helpless never sat with her well. In her inspection she spotted the end of a feather sticking out of the left pocket. It would not have been altogether noteworthy had it not seemed so familiar. The large feather was a rich dark brown with auburn spots, a strange coloration for a bird.

The dalish elf's eyes widened.


	3. Chapter 3: Birds of a Feather

**Chapter 3: Birds of a Feather**

Ellawyn's lungs were screaming at her for air as she bolted down the dark-lit passageway that lead to the docks. This could not be happening, could it? She would wake up warm in her bed with Aryeto drooling in his dreams at her feet. Her father had warned her this day might come, that the Templars might find her and take her away, but they had just seemed like the other monster stories he had told her to make her behave.

Though the mind blast had given her a great head start she could hear her pursuers catching up from around the bend in the stairwell. She had one shot, and the window was closing with every second she delayed. She stopped, threw her hard-won weapon into a pile of waste and quickly stripped herself of all her clothes; they would only hinder her. She cursed to herself as she felt the fabric rip in her hands. Once she was as bare as the day she was born she looked to the night sky and, in a burst of light and mist, willed her body to transform. Her arms and fingers shrunk and spread to become wings, her legs turned to talons, her sight became heightened, and her head and torso shifted into the smooth regality of a hawk's.

Hawke plucked off one of her feathers and nudged it into one of the pockets of her discarded human clothes as a clue for her friends before taking off into the air. As she soared around the corners and gained speed, the Templar's shouts got further and further away, much to her relief. The familiar pungent smell of rotted fish and brine that stung her nose told her that she was close to the docks. Just as she was about to leave the city beneath her, she spotted Anders walking along the street.

'What is he doing? I have to get him away from here!' she thought to herself. With a high screech she flew around the mage, tugging at his robes with her talons towards the disused passageway opposite from the abandoned Qunari encampment.

"What in the Maker's name? Get away from me you stupid...Hawke?" Ander's fright became confusion and awe when he got a good look at the bird that had assaulted him. It was mostly brown with auburn speckles, a black beak that matched her lipstick shade, and dark markings around the eyes that were eerily similar to Hawke's tattoos. The raptors eyes were a deep ocean blue like his friend's as well. To make matters even stranger, the hawk seemed to nod in response to his outburst and turned her head towards the stairway to Hightown. It was then that he registered the sound of clanking armor approaching. When he went for his staff she cawed at him reproachfully and pulled him once more towards the not-so-dead end. Finally he relented, took the strange bird in the crook of his arm, and ran for the secret entrance to the understreet. After swiftly shutting the grate above them, they waited in the darkness on the ladder for a minute or so and heard the heavy stomping of greaves get closer and closer. Both hawk and human looked up with trepidation as the figure of a Templar walked over the sewage grating.

"Where did she go? She couldn't have just disappeared!" A young woman exclaimed.

"You never know with mages. It's looking more and more like she's been using blood magic." An older man's voice answered

The birds feathers ruffled indignantly.

"Well keep looking, she couldn't have gone far! The Champion will not escape us!" their captain ordered.

Anders eyes widened and he looked at the bird under his arm. So this really was Hawke, and they were after her. He felt Justice, or Vengeance now, attempt to break through but Hawke must have noticed because she gave his hand a small peck to keep him grounded. After the Templars left the area, Anders climbed down the rest of the tunnel and when he was sure they were alone he set her free. Hawke walked off behind a couple of barrels and Anders witnessed a bright flash and smoke envelope the place the bird had been. When it cleared, he saw the top of Ellawyn's head peak over the barrels.

"Would you be so kind as to give me your robe or something, Anders?" she said shyly.

"Why do you need...oh" a deep flush of red spread across his face "Oh, yes um...here." The mage stripped off his black cloak, leaving only his long sleeveless tunic and pants, and averted his eyes as he walked over to give it to his nude, very attractive friend. As she changed, he turned away and put one hand up to the side of his face to give her some privacy. When she came out from behind the barrels his breath caught in his throat at the sight; she was a bit thinner than he was so the robe was able to wrap around her front, and it was long enough to cover her important bits, but he did not expect her to look so stunning in it. How many times had he fantasized about seeing her in nothing but his clothes? He shook his head the thoughts that bombarded it.

"Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" he fussed.

"No, I'm fine. They came out of nowhere in Hightown on my way home and would have got me if I hadn't seen them in time. You're...probably wondering how exactly I became a bird." she said with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, that did cross my mind. Clever choice of bird, by the way, very ironic." He snickered lightly.

"Don't worry, it's not forbidden magic, at least I don't think it is. No one is harmed, no demons consorted with, nothing like that. It's more of a...talent. It's hard to explain without my father's Grimoire. He taught it to me for a quick escape, but that was long ago." She explained.

"That is amazing, to be honest. Perhaps you can show me how to do it some time. But why did you run? Even without clothes or your staff you could have destroyed them, we could have. It would have been so easy" he tried to suppress the blush that came at the thought of her fighting naked, unsuccessfully.

Ellawyn looked at him pleadingly "Because if I had killed them, the Circle would have had more reason to label me as a maleficar. It would be worse on all of you."

Ander's scoffed "Sounds like they were calling you that anyway. You heard them, they think you are a blood mage because they couldn't catch you. They will demonize you whether you fight or not."

She shrugged "Yes, well what they say doesn't change the truth."

"What they say can get you a death warrant, however. Truth or not, they don't care. At the end of the day the sword is mightier than the quill in their eyes." He scowled at the ceiling before turning back to Hawke.

"I want to thank you for what you did back there, for getting me away from the Templars and stopping Justice from coming out. You always are able to keep him in line, it's astounding" Anders gave her an admiring, sincere smile.

"Well I couldn't just let you stay there, that would have resulted in an mess. You're very welcome." She beamed back at him and began to speak once more.

"By the way, thank you for lending me your robe. I need to go see Bonny Lem to get some clothes, a new staff, and some supplies before I go so I can give this back to you." She went for the pocket of his robe only to curse at the fact that her coin purse was back with her own robes in the trash heap.

"Could you lend me some money? I can give you a note for Bodahn and he can give you what I owe you for it. I might not be able to come back because of all this. I should also write a goodbye to mother and everyone in it as well."

Anders baulked at her words "Wait what? I mean I know you need to go on the run, but you're going by yourself? Let me come with you!"

"No way! I will not endangering your life like that."

He rolled his eyes "I've escaped from the Circle seven times, I've had experience on the run, more than you've had. And I'm not helpless, you know this more than anyone."

"Exactly, you've escaped seven times, which means you've been caught six times, you'll be bad luck." She joked, but he did not laugh, in fact he looked deeply hurt, so she continued.

"I know you are an incredibly capable mage, which is why our little group needs you. Without me, they'll have no healer and you're one of the best. And what about your clinic, the resistance? You can't just up and leave it all. You've done so many good things here, this city needs you desperately. I need you to stay, Anders, please." Ellawyn almost begged.

Jaw clenched, Anders replied "I can say the exact same to you. Listen, I know what you're trying to do, but I am not what you think I am. Just like you couldn't let me deal with the Templars alone I can't bear to watch you walk off to Maker knows where on your own. Imagine if I went back and everyone asked me where you were and I said I just let you go. They would tear me apart. None of us could do that. Without you, there would be nothing keeping us together, we are all still here because of you! Take me with you" he demanded.

"Don't ask that of me, Anders! This is not your burden, and I can't lay this on you! I don't want you with me, is that what you want to hear?!" she screamed.

Anders crossed his arms stubbornly "That's bullshit and you know it. You're scared out of your wits, and that's ok, I know that feeling all too well. Let me help you. If you refuse I'll just follow you anyway. I cannot in good conscious leave you like this."

The mage growled angrily at her friend "Fine! You are too headstrong for your own good. I can't believe this" she mumbled as she walked heavily up the stairs towards the merchant's sorry excuse for a store, Anders trailing behind, smug in his victory.

* * *

That night Hawke's companions went back to the docks with feathers on the brain, specifically feathers matching the one Merrill had found, in another desperate attempt to find their friends. Each closely searched a different section, and by chance Isabella drew the Hightown entrance. It just so happened that Isabela was also the best tracker in the group. When examining the secret door to the understreet she saw the tip of a black feather fluttering in the night breeze. Carefully she plucked it from the grating and grinned to herself. This was from Ander's ridiculous cloak, she'd know it anywhere. Perhaps they met and escaped like she hoped. They could be safe, they could be far from here, anywhere but in the Gallows. She stuffed the feather in her bodice and went to show her discovery to everyone else. Once everyone had congregated around the place it was found, Isabela spoke.

"It seems pretty clear that at the very least, Anders went through to the understreet, though we don't know when. I say we have a look around, maybe they both were able to get the hell out of dodge."

"We can only hope" Fenris said as he opened the hatch, holding it up for the next person to follow after him.

Once everyone was down the ladder they resumed their search, but it didn't take long for Fenris to feel the leftovers of Hawke's sense. His heart beat faster, the implications made him both relieved beyond belief and worried that she was not here. Merrill had told them of a form of magic called "shapeshifting" that Hawke might have done that would have caused the huge bursts of power here and in the stairway. The idea of Hawke being an actual hawk was strange, but if it helped her avoid her would-be captors he was grateful that she knew how to do it. He understood why she had to undress to do so now, he hardly expected clothes to stay on after transforming into a bird, but if she was here and Anders were here at the same time...he probably saw her naked. Fenris' face went blank; he didn't think the abomination would harm her, she wouldn't let him, but he knew the mage had feelings for her and was blatantly obvious about it.

"She was here" he said, his voice more strained than he intended it to be.

Their entire group seemed to sigh with relief simultaneously, their minds at ease now that there was a better chance their mages had escaped.

"That's wonderful!" Merrill enthused "Now were would they have gone?"

"Well, logic would follow that since she was very naked when she turned into a hawk, she would be very naked becoming human again. Let's go check Bonny Lem. She most likely went there to correct her nakedness," she said with a smirk.

"Nice thinking Rivani, you're probably right," Varric praised the pirate.

"Must have been quite an embarrassing situation," Sebastian said as an aside.

"Can we go?" Fenris said, irritated.

"Alrighty then, broody. Lead the way," Varric sassed.

The group moved up the stairs to question Bonny Lem about their missing members.

They approached the black market merchant and he looked upon them with sudden understanding.

"Hey there. Here about your friends?"

Taken aback, Varric replied "Um...well yes. You saw them I take it? A man and a woman?"

"Yup, came by looking for clothes and such. Last I saw of them they went towards the sewers. Those can lead anywhere. Sorry I can't be more help."

"No, no, thank you Bonny Lem. Happy sales to you," Varric groaned dejectedly as he walked off towards the sewers, his companions close behind.

"Why does it always have to be the sewers?" Sebastian mumbled.

"What is it Choir Boy, worried about mucking up your shiny white armor?" Varric said snidely.

"In part. Also the rats and diseases down there. I'm more worried about you, being so close to the ground and all," the archer retorted to his grumpy friend, coaxing a snicker from Isabela.

"Taking a stab at my height, really? Mature," the dwarf scoffed. He was not in the mood.

After an eternity of traveling through the murky, smelly sewers, they reached a three way fork.

"Damn. Looks like we'll have to separate," Aveline stated.

"Ok, let's go in pairs. Merrill, you go with Aveline to the left, Isabela and Sebastian will go right, and Fenris and I will take the continuing passage. Let's find us some mages," Varric said wearily.

"Shouldn't we agree on a time to meet back up, just to know everyone is safe?" Merrill queried.

"Good idea, kitten. What do you say to six a.m at the Hanged Man, everyone?" Isabela offered.

With generally positive consensus, the pairs split off down their respective pipes. After an exhausting five hours of searching they all met up again to discuss their findings. The pipe to the left lead to the wounded coast, but with no foot prints or trail to track the guard captain and remaining mage had nothing to go on, but scanned the vast shores anyway. They found nothing. The center pipe was a runoff which lead to a nearby riverbank. They also found no trace of them. The one to the right lead to the wilderness near Sundermount, and even Isabela did not have an inkling of if they had been there or not. Their efforts bore no results, and their morale was incredibly low. Wherever the mages were, it was clear they did not want to be followed. Hopes shattered, they shuffled off to their own dwellings in the hopes to get some form of rest. Aveline offered to escort Merrill home, and she graciously accepted.

When Fenris arrived at his run-down mansion, he numbly wandered to his room, swiping a warm, half drunk bottle of wine off the bench by the fire, plopped down on his bed, and took a deep swig. The day had not turned out as he had imagined the night before. He had hoped to be able to apologize for the awful things he said, for the years of dragging her along on a frayed string. If she accepted, if she had taken him back, nothing could have possibly pleased him more. If she denied him...at least there would be a resolution. There was no resolution, this was as far from a resolution as something could be. Ellawyn was missing, on the run with the abomination from those who would make her tranquil. His nightmare haunted him all day, they would not leave his mind; he would not be able to sleep tonight, and if he managed to it would not be blessed with pleasant dreams. Fenris reached beneath the bed frame and pulled out the small metal box which held a number of precious things, setting the bottle down at his feet before placing the box beside him. He undid the metal clasp holding it shut and withdrew a soft, red scarf from it, feeling it between his fingers. She gave it to him on their first, and last, night together, wrapped it around his wrist with such care...he shouldn't have left. Regrets suffocated him like a monsoon, and he couldn't find a way out. He laid back on his bed and brought the scarf to his chest, fist clenched around it in stress. Fenris laid there in the darkness, pleading with the Maker to turn back time.

Varric was utterly downtrodden. He sat at the head of his table, quill in hand, just hovering over the paper. What was he going to tell Ellawyn's family? The dwarf threw the quill down, blotting the entire clean sheet with ink and took his head in his hands. Above him he heard a flapping of wings as heavy packet of notes fell on his head. By the time he bent down to pick it up the flapping was gone and so was it's source when he looked up.

"Strange" he muttered to himself before a realization struck him. Frantic, he opened the ties of twine that bound the bundle together and opened the top one. It read;

"_Dear Varric,_

_We are both ok for the moment. Do not try to find us, because the Templars might track you and I don't want anyone arrested or hurt. I will try to bring messages to you when I can, but it might be more difficult the further away from Kirkwall we get. If we are unable to come home, which is probably likely, enclosed are some goodbye notes we wrote to everyone, including my family. Varric, you have been a better friend to me than I deserve. All I have is because of you, and I will never be able to show you how grateful I am. If we don't meet again, know that I will miss you terribly my friend. Anders has a message for you as well in here somewhere. I really hope I can see you again._

_Hawke_"

A tear slid down his cheek, which he briskly wiped away "Dammit Hawke..." The ease he now felt was a better gift than anything she could have given him.

"Looks like I'm going to have to play mailman" he said to himself.


	4. Chapter 4: Letters from Fugitives

**Chapter 4: Letters from Fugitives**

Varric scrambled through the pile of notes until he found a folded one that read "Varric" in Ander's chicken scratch. He opened the letter and read it's contents;

"_Varric, _

_ I know I haven't been the most fun to be around lately, and I regret not throwing a few more laughs in when I had the chance. Maker knows you gave me many opportunities that I didn't take. I have not been close to many people in our rag-tag group of so-called adventurers, but you've looked out for me. Despite, and now that I think of it probably because of, how much of an idiot I've been you have helped me stay alive and of mind to write this. I want to thank you, for everything you've done and for being the true friend you've been. I haven't had many of those, so that's saying something. I wish I didn't have to leave like this. Stay safe._

_Your third favorite mage,_

_Anders_

_P.S: Say goodbye to Bianca for me_

_P.S.S: Your second favorite mage was forced to buy the most ridiculous looking robe. She hates it so much and I'm trying not to laugh. I don't think I can hold out for much longer. She's probably going to kill me. Perhaps my final words will, in fact, be 'i'm just kidding' like you've predicted._

_P.S.S.S: Hawke forgot to add the note for ten sovereigns to her letter, so I put it in mine. She say's just go to Bodahn and show him the enclosed slip. Lucky bastards all of you, I wish I had ten sovereigns._"

"By the Maker, kid," Varric sighed with melancholy amusement.

It was an awful situation, but Anders still managed to make light of it. He weighed the stack of notes in his hand and contemplated whether he should give them to everyone now or wait until morning. No doubt he was tired, but hearing from them gave him so much relief and if he waited, everyone else would have to spend all night needlessly worrying. Eventually he stuffed the notes in his duster pockets, left his room and headed downstairs to the "dining area."

There he saw Isabela, ever the alcoholic, at her usual spot at the bar but something seemed off. She was ignoring the mug of Kirkwall's finest swill before her and her head hung in her hands. Suddenly, Varric knew he made the right choice.

"Hey there, Rivani. I have a present for you," Varric sang.

The pirate turned her head towards him, but nothing else "What is it, Varric?"

"Something I think you might appreciate right now," he pulled out two notes addressed to her in familiar handwriting.

Isabela's eyes widened as she looked from Varric to the notes. She turned around to face him and gestured towards an empty table.

When they had both sat down, she leaned forward and whispered "How in the Void did you get those?"

"To be honest, I think Hawke brought them in, you know, bird form. They literally fell in my lap...or on my head rather," he whispered back.

Isabela held out her palm and Varric gave her the notes. She hastily opened the first one, which was from Hawke.

"_Dear Isabela,_

_ Circumstances have made it so that I might never be able to come back, and I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to you and the others. After everything we've been through, I think I owe you that. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but I respect you as a fighter and a friend. I hope that you get the chance to go on the open ocean again as you've dreamed, but until that day comes, take care of Merrill for me? I'm sure Varric will continue to watch out for her as well, he absolutely adores her, but he could use the extra help. I could never fully repay you for your help all these years, and I know you weren't expecting it, but take the included slip to Bodhan and he'll give you ten sovereigns. I'm giving everyone some money because lord knows I have more than my family can spend in five lifetimes. Maybe use it to buy that boat you've been lusting over every time we go through the docks lately. Never change, my dear._

_All the best wishes,_

_Ellawyn_"

Isabela shook her head as she pulled out the promissory note "Is she really giving us money?"

"Apparently," Varric nodded.

"Too generous for her own damn good" she sighed as she opened the second note.

"_Isabela, _

_If I can't see you again, I just wanted to say a few things. I've enjoyed our talks, about justice and the state of the world. Your perspective is refreshing, and you've made some good points, but I still thoroughly believe that Justice exists. I kind of have some first hand experience on that front. I'm also glad I'm not the only one in our group who appreciates a good dirty joke. You've always been honest with me and I appreciate that, more than I can say. _

_Anders_"

"No money from Anders though," she giggled, contemplating her psedo-friendship with the rebel Grey Warden.

Varric laughed with her and they sat for a while. He could tell that she was a lot less stressed now, knowing that they were alright and out of harms way, however temporary that security might be. He could sympathize.

"Thanks, dwarf," she smiled.

"No problem Rivani. Keep those close," he warned.

"Will do," she saluted before stuffing the notes in her bra and standing up to go back to her drink.

Varric did the same and left the inn for the alienage. He knocked on Merril's door and after a few moments of shuffling a red eyed Merrill opened the door.

"Oh Daisy, are you ok?" Varric murmured, concerned.

"Varric, come in. I'm alright, I just...I miss Hawke," she sniffed before opening the door wider for her friend to enter.

"I know, we all do Daisy. But hey, I have something that might make you feel better," he grinned, pulling a note out of his pocket and handing it to the elf.

She took it and an overwhelmed smile splashed across her face as she recognized the handwriting. Wordlessly she read it;

"_Dear Merrill,_

_I will miss you so much, and I'm sorry we've had to leave the group's magical burden on you. I'm certain you are more than up to the task. You are stronger than you'd like to admit, and so very sweet. I hope you can restore the Eluvian, but if you have to deal with any more demons, just don't risk it. I've failed to say this and I would regret it if I didn't say it now; please stop hurting yourself for magic, for me. There are so many other ways of getting the results you want without harming you body, or anyone else's, for it (not that I think you would ever hurt anyone, but just for clarification.) If we meet again, I can teach you some things I've been practicing and developing that might release the mirror from it's corruption without dealing in demons. There is hope! Keep out of trouble, I couldn't bear to hear that you've been hurt._

_Stay sweet,_

_Ellawyn_

_P.S: Go to my house at some point with the enclosed note. Please take the money, all ten sovereigns._"

By the end of the note Merril was in tears again, but not of sorrow. "Wh...what? She's been working on the Eluvian too? Why didn't she tell me before?" she asked, shaking her head slowly at the letter.

"I don't know Daisy. I knew she was working on stuff, all kinds of stuff, but not your stuff."

The mage looked up at Varric "We need to get her back. Both of them."

Varric swallowed hard and looked at his own feet "I know, Merrill...I know."

After a few moments of sad silence Merrill finally piped up "Thank you for this, Varric. It...it makes me feel a lot better, knowing she's relatively ok."

"You're very welcome, Daisy. Have a good night now," he said as he stood back up and walked towards the door.

Before he could leave she went and gave him a hug "You too, Varric."

When Varric was on his way once more he rummaged through the remaining letters. There was one addressed to Ander's apprentices from the man himself, and he made them his next stop. Once in Darktown, he came upon a chaotic scene. There were a slew of patients, waiting in long lines as the remaining assistants tried to match their absent teacher's work pace. Varric decided to wait while they worked, watching them fluster and run about until the flow of the injured gradually stemmed to a halt. The four illegal mages sat down and rested after the taxing experience they went through.

The dwarf chose this time to walk into the clinic, note in the air "Hey kids, I've got mail."

They all started at his voice and it was Myrea who addressed him first "Oh, hello Varric. What mail?"

"Mail from someone that it looks like you are missing right about now," he said quietly, a small smile on his face.

Suddenly, as if they all had a second wind, the group of four came to meet the dwarf. A teenage boy named Lee took the letter as the other three crowded around him to read it;

"_Myrea, Jannis, Phil, and Lee,_

_I'm so sorry, but I won't be coming back, for reasons I cannot name or risk putting you in danger. You all have done so well and I have confidence you can keep the clinic running together. I will miss all of you, and I hope you all have fulfilling lives. Don't forget to restock the injury kits, I haven't been able to. We are also running low on bandages and splints for breaks, as well as pain numbing serums. Jannis can teach you all how to make those._

_Yours,_

_Anders_"

Almost collectively they sighed with relief, but at the same time seemed quite sad. It was only to be expected. They all thanked Varric with handshakes and kind words before he set off again to go to another group of people that would be missing the head of their household; Hawke's family.

The rouge made his way to Hightown, not looking forward to the meeting to come. Hawke's mother had lost one child to darkspawn, another to the Templar order, and now her last and eldest daughter to the Templars as well, in a different way. This was not going to be pleasant. He hesitated before knocking on their ancestral oak door. Within the minute, Bodahn came to the door looking very tired.

"Oh, Messere Varric, what are you doing out at this hour?" he said, inviting the other dwarf inside.

"I have a letter for everyone, from Ellawyn. Is everyone still awake? I can come back tomorrow."

Bodahn became much more animated at the mention of Hawke's name and hurried him into the main room where everyone was, in fact, still awake. It seemed he wasn't the only one to be unable to sleep.

"Messere Leandra, Varric has brought us word from Ellawyn!" Bodahn exclaimed.

Hawke's mother immediately rose from her chair by the fire and quickly rushed to the two dwarven men, as did Orana and Sandal, once beckoned over by his father. Aryeto's ear's perked up at the mention of his owner's name and he trotted over as well. Together they read;

"_My dearest mother, Bodahn, Sandal, Orana, and Aryeto,_

_I am so sorry, I can't believe this is happening but I am on the run. I know we've always feared this day and this is the last thing you need right now, mama, but it's happened. Please don't worry about me, I remember what papa taught me, I won't get caught. I love you so much, all of you. God I hope I can see you all again. Mama, please hug Aryeto and Orana for me. Bodahn, I have sent my friends notes to give them ten sovereigns each, so don't shoo them away if they come for it. I hope they do. Tell Sandal that his is simply an enchanting boy and I will miss him and his whims so much. I will miss all of you. Please forgive me, mama._

_All of my love!_

_Ellawyn_"

Leandra cupped a hand over her mouth and began to cry as Orana rubbed her back soothingly "My girl, oh Maker no, not this! This can't be happening! How did you get this?!" she sobbed.

Varric, feeling very awkward and inexplicably guilty, replied "I believe she brought them to me, in bird form, and flew off again. I'm sorry this has happened. If you need anything at all just ask, please, and I'll have it done."

Orana, on the verge of tears herself asked the dwarf "Does...does this mean she is safe at least?"

"Yes, as far as we can tell, she is safe. Anders is with her, on the run, I'm guessing as company and protection."

"Oh, thank goodness she isn't alone," Bodahn interjected, "Messere Leandra, why don't we all get something for breakfast and we can go get some sleep? Messere Ellawyn is safe, at least we know this now."

After a few deep breaths, Leandra agreed and Orana lead her into the kitchen. Bodahn went up to Varric once more "About the money in note, would you like yours now?"

"No, Bodahn, not today. You all just rest easy."

"That's thanks to you, Messere. You get some sleep as well, it looks like you need it," Bodahn prompted.

"Yes, I will, but I've got a job to do right now. Goodbye, Bodahn" Varric said wearily as he walked out the door.

His next natural stop was the barracks where Aveline would probably be about now. He found her in her office, with Donnic who was comforting her.

Even though it felt like he was intruding on a private moment, he knew she would appreciate the gifts he was bringing.

"Hi Aveline, Donnic, I have messages from some people," Varric mumbled cryptically.

"What? Give it here," Aveline took the notes from him with annoyed confusion;

"_Dear Aveline,_

_I'm sorry about this, about everything, and you probably would yell at me for sending this to you, me being a dangerous apostate and you being the captain of the guard and all. I just couldn't not say goodbye. You are like a sister to me, and I want you to know that. Keep mother and everyone safe, and don't doubt yourself. I hope we can talk soon. Take this slip to Bodahn and he'll see you get ten sovereigns. You deserve so much more._

_Be well,_

_Ellawyn_"

Varric expected her to be upset, but she was quite the opposite. Without a word she read the second note.

"_Aveline,_

_ You have saved my ass so many times, kept me and my clinic hidden from the templars, I just wanted to thank you. I owe you that._

_Anders_"

With an easy sigh she slumped back in her chair and shot Varric a grateful smile "Thank you for these, very informative," the Guard Captain said evenly with a wink.

"Not at all, Aveline. You two have a good night now," he smiled back, nodding knowingly at his guard friends.

His next stop was the chantry to give Prince Vael his letter. He found the young man sitting on his bed and messing with his bow "Hey there, Choir Boy. You brothers can take messages, right?"

"Oh, hello Varric, I was missing your snark. Just what I needed. Yes, to answer your question, we can get mail."

"Wow, sorry. I didn't mean to rile you up. Are you ok, kid?"

"Yeah, I...Just give me what you came here to give me."

A little stunned, Varric handed him Ellawyn's note.

"_Hello Sebastian,_

_I know we haven't agreed on much, but you are a wonderful person. I also know that, despite everything, you still don't completely trust me for what I am. I can understand that. I just wanted to let you know that whatever you decide to do, be it ruling an entire city state or sitting in the chantry all day for the rest of your life, I wish you so much luck. If you're still doing the whole vow of poverty thing, ignore the enclosed slip, but if you've taken my advice take it to Bodahn and he'll give you ten sovereigns for all your help. I hope it's enough._

_Stay righteous, however you see fit,_

_Ellawyn_"

The prince chuckled to himself and ran a hand across his face "Still trying to bribe me to leave the chantry, even on the run. Typical Hawke," he smiled.

Varric laughed with him "Really?"

"Yes," Sebastian sighed. "Still, I'm glad they are safe. Recent events have made me...reconsider many things. Thank you for this, Varric. I don't know how you got it, and I dare not ask, but I am grateful for it."

"Anything for you, my liege," Varric said with a playful faux bow before heading back downstairs.

Varric's finally stop was Fenris' house. To think that just twenty hours ago, Varric had started his search for his friend on that very doorstep, and there he was again. He knocked on the door and for a long time received no answer, so he knocked again. After another minute with no response he tried the doorknob, which was unlocked. He let himself in and walked towards the only light in the dank old mansion that resided in Fenris' room, the only room he really used in the place. He came upon a fitfully sleeping Fenris clutching a red scarf to his chest like his life depended on it. As he approached the elf to wake him, Varric heard a faint but fearful "Ella" escape like a breath from his throat. A bit taken aback, the dwarf continued forward and shook his shoulder, causing the warrior to wake with a panicked start.

"What!...Varric? How did you get in?" Fenris grumbled tiredly.

"Through the front door," Varric smirked at his friend.

Fenris glared with sleep deprived eyes at the dwarf until he finally became serious once more "Your door was unlocked. I..I have a letter from Hawke I think you might want to read..."

Suddenly the elf shot up in his bed and snatched the note Varric had been holding out;

"_Fenris,_

_(Crossed out: I wish we had, I loved you for so long but I should have known, I miss, Why couldn't, That night I never meant to hurt you) I'm sorry I'm a mage. _

_Hawke_

_P.S: Take the note enclosed to my manor and Bodahn will pay you ten sovereigns for our business together._"

Fenris began flipping the page over and scrambling in the envelope "No...no, no, no! This can't be all there is! Please, tell me there's something else!" he cried.

"I'm sorry, there isn't anything else," Varric said, patting his duster down to make sure.

Fenris' head hung, his eyes boring holes into the sheet of paper in his hands "...Thank you, Varric" he said evenly.

"You're welcome...Are you sure you'll be ok?" Varric said cautiously.

"Yes...I'll...I'll be fine..." Fenris muttered.

"Alright, Fenris...Get some sleep, ok?" Varric ordered.

"I'll try. Goodbye, Varric."

After the dwarf left, Fenris re-read the very short, very scratched out note, analyzing each crossed out word, looking for some clue as to her true feelings that she was so afraid to express. Perhaps she was still angry with him, she had every right to be, but still, he wished he could make things right. More than anything, he was overwhelmed; she was alive and he was blessed by her life.

He had never, in his entire life, anticipated that he would feel this way; regret, and love for which it was the first time he was on the unrequited side. He had three years to get over whatever it was holding him back, but all he did was push her away. Who else could he blame but himself?

He went back to reading the note. One crossed out phrase in particular, "That night I never meant to hurt you," felt like an arrow to the heart. Did she really think that she hurt him? That could not be further from the truth. If anyone did any hurting that night, it was him. How could he let her think that of herself?

And the only line she did not end up crossing out, "I'm sorry I'm a mage," could be meant in any number of different tones. If she was being sarcastic and spiteful, he could understand, but if she was actually apologizing for being a mage she might be in more danger than any of them could have anticipated from an invisible enemy within. Suddenly another feeling rose to join the stew already floating about within him; fear. He hoped that she had not taken anything he had said to heart, he didn't know if he could handle being responsible for her recent lack of self esteem, especially at such a vulnerable time as this. But what could he do now?


End file.
